Capacity to Understand

Ohhhh, how long have I not felt the urge to blog again.
Well, I guess today is my lucky day then.


This is going to be a long post.
You are well warned before proceeding.


Here goes.


To be honest, I wasn't feeling so up to par before the week of Chinese New Year.


Things happened in school.
It was supposed to be a harmless comment but it hit me down faster than you can say 'supercallifragilisticexpialidocious'.
*sorry, that was my nerdy side, can't help but to quote Mary Poppins*


It happened once way back, but I didn't thought much of it and brushed it aside.
When it happened again last week, it made me thought to myself "Is this what people think of me?".


Since it was a matter close to my heart, I was pretty gutted.


It was a thing from the past but things were not that hard back then, and I thought since now I'm in tertiary education, the crowd would be more understanding and less judgmental. But how wrong was I.  


That comment was filled with such judgement, such bias.
It broke my spirits down instantly.
I was struggling for that few days.


I didn't want to consult this with my college friends because I simply doesn't want to bad mouth anyone and I am sure both the comments were not thought thoroughly before being expelled.


Notice how I used "Capacity to Understand" instead of "Capability to Understand".


Then CNY came.
And I felt a little of LiShien coming back to me.
Just enough for me to enjoy myself.


And after yesterday, I felt joyous again.


And I quote myself at Sunday 29/01/2010 12.05am,
"As I am sitting at this table, I look around to see the crowd I'm with tonight. The table was filled with familiar faces. Chatter was audible but I wasn't really paying attention. Suddenly someone said something funny and the whole table cracked up and started laughing with him. And at that moment, I felt lighthearted."


Can you imagine?
Me, feeling lighthearted.


That moment was a real pick me up.
*chuckle*
It was so innocent and so sincere.


The whole week of CNY was jam packed with friends and family and today was the only day I'm sitting at home with absolutely nothing to do.
This year's CNY was way better than I had anticipated.


The first 3 days I had spent it with my family, lounging at the their house or out for a movie with them.


Then the subsequent days of CNY I had spent it with my friends.
Namely Joann and my high school mates.


And I quote myself again at Sunday 29/01/2010 2.35am,
"As I was sitting in the front seat of Loon's car, I felt a wave of gratitude dawn upon me".


Yesh, I am a feeler.
I feel way too much.
That, I'll admit to it.
*chuckle again*


Loon had been so nice by sending me home when every one of them are staying overnight at Hao's house.


I'll admit.
I really like the attention they're showering on me now.
Namely Loong, Loon and Lun.


Not boy to girl attention but good friend to good friend attention.


And I'm really enjoying it to the max now.
Because I know once they have a girlfriend, all of this will be impossible to grasp on to again.


Well, I had rant on for way too long.
I'm coming to an end now.


Thank you Mum and Boyfriend, they'd probably had heard this story way too many times.


Thank you JoAnn for the longest lunch I'd ever had.


Oh, and thank you friends whom I've spent CNY with.
Thanks.
For being there.


I know in the future, words will still break me.
And when it does, I will still break down and cry.


But I know something somewhere will pick me up again.
:)