There are always two side to both story. I surely didn't want to know your side from way back. Ya, maybe I was a coward after all. Knowing that if I was the one who royally messed up our relationship, I would be more knocked down by now. It's just to much to bear. No need to apologize. It's still okay to say these things till now. Thank you for letting me hear your piece of mind.
You have know me for quite a while now, you know how my personality is and you surely are more clever than me ten times. I think you sort of know what I want to do now. Ya, walking away is what I do best in. But this time... This time... I don't want to walk away anymore.
How can we stay friends when we don't even trust each other right now? How can we understand each other when we'll clamp up each time taking about each other? Most importantly, how can we find back the trust we once have between us? Is already broken, and I don't think it's an easy job to fix it back.
I won't say things like 'Oh, so, wanna be friends again?' The both of us are so over that age to pretend not to be friends or being friends. Truth be told right, I don't even know what I want right now. Being back friend is not as simple as it looks like. Sure, we can be back friends, but can we stay friends and maintain our relationship once more?
Maybe I was the one with the problem. Maybe I was the one with all the drama. Maybe I was the one who think too much. Maybe... And just maybe... I was the one who changed... I was the one who changed that much during all these time.
I am not a cold b*tch with no feelings, I do feel all right. And it's hard for me to say I still love you right now. But I do want the best for you.
Turn around and look carefully, see all those steps we took? All those steps that make us what we are today. It's still very clear to me. We have manage to live our life without each other so far, at first it was really heart breaking, but now, I don't think it's that bad after all. You have your own life, I have mine. There's no turning back now. I have chosen the steps I want, and deep inside I know you've already chosen too no matter what the choice is.
No need to act normal. You are normal. We are normal. Sorry I was so inconsiderate this whole time. All I ask for now, is to grow strong together. And maybe... Maybe... Our wounds will heal that way.
Hope that when people ask of me in front of you, you would say something like " Ya, I once know her, she's someone great". Not something like "Oh, ya, I know her, what a b*tch". Hah, I'm not making any sense right now huh? And I hope that you would think of me once in a while. And when you think of me, I hope that the things that you think of are good things.
Of course, I'll think of you too. All the connection and ties are still around. Going to the zoo together, rushing home after taking picture while your mother is waiting for us, coming to my house to make cookies, playing badminton, you choosing my clothes for me for my date, playing that scary game on my ps2, having fortune cookies, going to Mcd, celebrating Man's birthday, the both of us singing in a little k room, my birthday... I will. I really will cherish all of it.
You are really great. A great person. A great friend. But I don't think I want to do this anymore. I'm know that I'm the one with all these problem. I have changed and I don't really want to try anymore. I was your shoulder to cry on when times get bad, your shoulder sure are mine once. But now, I think I have another shoulder to lend and to lean on to now.
I know your point, you saying that you didn't make a choice, sorry I made it sounded so bad. It's all past and history. Let's move on. The both of us. Letting go is what I can give you right now. And letting go is what I want to do right now.
p.s. This is MY blog. I wouldn't be lying on my own blog.
Stay STRONG.(For the sake of both of us)
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